Day Ninety-Seven: Regime Change

Everything is happening for the first time.  The past, the future – it’s like they don’t even exist.

I always knew that these voices would turn out to be beings representative of some part of the cosmic order.  Now I recognize that their legion includes my body and mother earth.  When I pray with arms lifted to thank the esoteric voices in the sky father of our minds, I also lower my hands down to thank the mother for her connection of the voices to us.  When I smoke cannabis, I am opening myself to hearing the messages from my body or some organ within, or from pachamama or some plant or animal.  In which ever way I hear it, the voice is from the same intention.  It wants me to be better to self and to the balance of all.  The different voices give me different tones and make helpful suggestions dependent on the scenario.  They can be firm and understanding.  Sometimes they are louder than others, depending on what we do to welcome them.

Some people watch tv shows and movies over and over because they love it so much and want to be able to recite it.  I can’t be bothered.  I lived it once.  I can’t keep gifting my time to something that is already being rehashed so many times.  I will repeat things that need the boost in attention and those things that I want to commit to memory are for that reason of dissemination.  Some things don’t need further dissemination.  Some things don’t deserve dissemination.  I guess I’m saying that I am a good discerner and I trust my own abilities.  I trust the abilities of others, also, if they display confidence.  I am a confident person and I have been taught to be so.

I have to force myself to meditate.  Why should I meditate with my eyes closed?  I am in one of the most beautiful places in the world and there is so much to see.  I have to force myself to enjoy these views.  There is no displeasure in taking in these views, nor is there with mediation.  But life aka ego takes over and we become immersed in what we are doing.  I realize that I do need regime in my life.  I need a daily calendar with reminders and prompts to do the things that I need to do for a complete, balanced life.  I think that I will do 100 days of calendared living next, to include taking the steps that I need to live a healthy, balanced lifestyle.  I want happiness and I want success at achieving my goals, which include disseminating my ideas through the written medium and being active and having fun in nature and with good people and enjoying music and dancing.  How does one schedule in spontaneity?  Do I deserve to trust myself yet and have I learnt enough to know to force myself through the tough scenarios?  I like being told by other people what to do until I get the hang of it.  Maybe it will be the same with myself that I tell myself when and how long to do something until I get it worked into my frame of thinking and get in the flow of awareness and understanding of connection.

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