Day Ninety-Six: Promises

Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a partner. 

It would be hard to say that I have felt like that often in the last few years, but that now seems to be changing.  I thought that I would stay happiest if I was alone so that I could do what I want.  Now I realize that I want to be with someone and be who I am at the same time anyways.  I want to express myself to others and to be felt.  This is the ideal scenario.  I want to be with the good people who can feel others and who express themselves feelingly.  I want to be honest about what I feel and how it feels to be felt.  This is not a test.  This shit is live.

DT is not fulfilling his 100 day promises.  The media is giving him a hard time about it.  I am not sure that I have fulfilled all of my one hundred days of meditation promises.  I gave up on updating about my meditation tactics, I gave up on trying to share esoteric information, and I gave up on Facebook.  I feel great about all of these decisions, not because they would have been wrong to keep doing, but because they did not serve me well at the time.  Something else came up that was more important and I couldn’t have anticipated it without going through the motions that brought me here.  Sometimes we must leap before we can see.

It is best that I recognize that he has not been with anyone for a long time and now he has chosen me.  He could find someone easier than me but that’s not what he wants.  I want to be the best version of myself with him.  His kisses melt the walls around me. 

Strawberry flavouring is for men.  I’m not sure where I got this idea but I have been convinced of it for as long as I can remember.  I am sure that I heard it from someone a long time ago and that voice has rung inside me in an authoritative tone that made me confident in its veracity.  In the same way, for instance, our bodies speak to us as well and tell us when we are doing something stupid.  It will sound like a foreign voice speaking to us in our minds and we will silence this voice because we have been taught that foreign voices are dangerous signs of mental instability.  So rather than consider this voice to be a sane sage of reason, coming from the direct source of the knowledge on the subject (your body speaking to you), we equate this voice with insanity because we ourselves have manifested a voice who speaks to us in a language that is of our own human creation.  It could just send us communicative signals, but we’d just ignore those, too, because we haven’t been taught to understand them.

Women are meant to decide on which men are worth trying to better.  We change willingly and men change because women inspire them.  The men who feel uninspired are gay.  They would rather put it in another guy’s bum than deal with our stink-ass vaginas.  Some men shouldn’t deal with our stink-ass vaginas but they are too pussy to put it in another guy’s bum. 

It’s taken me a long time to get here.  I’ve taken roads that few women have traveled.  I have come out on the other side and I’m ready to dive in again.  I’m ready to inspire.  It’s time to change the world.  It’s time to change the women of this world.  Men, you’re fine.  You just do what needs to be done.  We’ve been the assholes of this world for a long time now with our new-found sense of entitlement when we decided that we were equal.  That level up in power went to our heads and now we are shoe obsessed.  We in turn made you shoe obsessed.  We’ve got to take our power back from our egos and feed it back into you so that you may shine your good onto the world.  We are a part of a cycle, none better or worse.  We work together to make one.

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