Day Eighty-Three: Service

Agitation.  Irritability.  Exhaustion.  I know what I am doing wrong and yet I keep doing it.  How can I know what is right if I do what is wrong?  What is this saying about me?

A toad just hopped past me towards the pool.  My mother would have stopped him for sure.  I just said “what’s up dude?”  I can’t be bothered expending my energy on things that I feel are not my business.  But where does my business begin and end if I believe that we are all connected?

How much do I have to do to maintain a positive balance sheet when it comes to personal influence over others?

Is it because I am constantly trying to amend my karma for doing bad things that I feel that I must do good things?  Is this why the worst people in the world give away the most money to charitable foundations?

There are things and people out there that scare the shit out of me.  There are ideas that scare the shit out of me.  I keep having to remind myself to suck it in because there is effort needed to attain more from the source.

The Spaceman may think that this is all mumbo-jumbo primitive shit but I think that it is an important recon level.  We are clearly not at the place yet where we can jump forward and advance to a more sophisticated level.  We are still in practice rounds, doing recon missions, trying to learn our terrain and our enemy.  The important thing is that we don’t blow ourselves up in the mean time.

Tomorrow is Lucid Dreaming Day.  Let us spend some time envisaging the best future for ourselves and bring to the forefront how we can use that future to best serve humanity now and continually.  We need to put in that little bit of effort each to save the whole.

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