I passed out on my friend’s couch the other night after having too many drinks while playing cards, and I woke up in the dark, alone, and very confused about what was happening. I have stayed at his place a few times now and there’s no real big deal about any of what happened; however, I was devastated when I woke and went to find him, almost crying. It was an irrational moment that was embarrassing to recall the next morning, but being jarred by unfamiliar sounds from the middle of a deep, drunken, dream-filled sleep, I could not distinguish between my congruous states of lucidity.
Are we dreaming or are we awake? These questions are the foundation for all philosophical study. If you try to question that, you’re dreaming (a little NZ pun there for anyone in the know…). Essentially, everything that we do can be questioned within that frame of perception. Why bother doing anything if we are merely dreaming? And what does it mean to be ‘awake’? – Is it just another version of a dream, but with a more present feeling of lucidity?
In meditation, we are able to experience a conscious dream-state. What I mean by that is that we are awake and are focusing on clearing our brain of the automatic impulses that populate our day-to-day. But in doing so, we allow our mind the space to wander; to take things in and play with them. We are not doing this consciously, because if we were, we would not be meditating.
Meditation is not a goal of relaxation – it is goal of letting go of our control by our conscious mind, thereby allowing our subconscious to take over. Any meditation guru that tells you that they succeeded at clearing their minds entirely either lived hundreds of years ago and did not have the stimulation-grid in which we currently exist, or they are liars.
Because we are all connected, there is no potential for one person to completely remove themselves from the dream realm of the collective unconscious. This “place” is where we find the perspective from where we can observe our selves and make sure that each of our three different aspects of self are in balance with All.
In between writing this post today, I reconnected with a faraway friend who told me about a project that she’s working on using light to represent ego. I don’t want to give her away but she “randomly” reinforced a perception that I’ve been looking at for a while, that ego is represented by stress. I think that I’ve personally used anxiety to describe it, but it really means the same thing: that when we have an over-abundance of our mental self, aka our ego, we feel stressed and anxious because we are over analyzing everything.
There is no time for over-analysis (mainly because time doesn’t exist) and there are times when we need to jump in and do, sooner than later, to bring things in balance (*of course I realize that I talk about there being no time and then use the constraints of the idea of time to describe a process. There is no worry about being confusing because these ideas come from the dream realm and are meant to be interpreted by everyone differently – until, of course, we are all in balance.)
In the way of the body, I feel like I’m obsessing over M. But when I look at it from my ego mind, we are developing a scenario that can work, if we don’t over-analyze. And when I look at it from my spirit side, I know that my time needs to be shared. I have the resolve to stay away and put my focus into the right channels.
My body still aches for his and that is why this over-abundance of the feels translates into feelings of guilt when I am with him, because I am then extensively indulging those physical urges. I need to keep these feels in check by using my two other selves in the right proportion, in relation to the balance in the world, because I can’t have my body ruling my other two individual dimensions. All of me is important for the Whole. If I allow myself to be out of harmony within, that is what I will be contributing to our collective tune, which I want to sound good. We are all a part of that feeling of a wave of sound coming at us at all times. If we want to have chill feelings, we need the emission of chill frequencies.