Day Seventy-Three: Feminine

What do you little hells think you are doing here?  Why do you think I’ve hung these owls out here? For you to like them? 

I was just wondering yesterday how to say owl in Polish.  I can’t even remember why I wanted to remember the word, but hearing it this morning while my mum stomped angrily around reminded me that I wanted to remember it.  Sowa.  We just had another moment recently – my mum and I – where we were working on a puzzle together and I desperately wanted to find a piece and I thought that I’d organized them all by color groupings.  I finally demanded of my mum: “give me a piece right now,” out of the blue, with no specifications laid, and she immediately handed me the exact piece I needed.  This was an incredible moment of synchronicity, even if I didn’t explain it well enough to you now.  We have built this path to synchronicity over the last 1.5 years that we’ve lived together now, just the two of us.  I have always had this type of connection with my sister as well, where we know what each other are thinking despite being separated by many thousands of kilometers distance for many years now.

I have also had many such relationships of deep connection with many women who are not family.  I have done this with men as well, but women are much more tricky, more closeted, with more doors to break down.  Men are easy, despite what any self-help/ relationship gurus will tell you.  Men don’t play games and they aren’t complicated. They will generally tell you exactly what they want – if you don’t make it a minefield for them to do so.  Of course, there are the men out there who have read The Art of Seduction (or The Art of War, or any variant of how to socialize-type literature).  These well-read humans will manipulate and conquer their prey (ahem, women most often) in order to be in charge of their situation at all times.  These humans are not inherently evil, they just don’t trust others to do the right thing so they’d rather manipulate a situation slightly to have the upper hand because they only trust themselves to do things right. 

Anyways, these kinds of guys don’t generally have much success with me.  I have read all of those books as well and I’m fairly intelligent (not necessarily as a result of the reading material in question).  I am the kind of girl who is different in a lot of ways, like consistently outselling a staff of dozens of mainly men in a large sporting retailer for years as a youth.  I’m the kind of girl who goes riding with a group of guys a couple of times a week and ripping up the slopes with the best of them, never missing a beat, even being propsed like one of the guys, too.  I’m the kind of female who will hang out, drink beers, take the shots, smoke doobies and play pool all night with the boys after an afternoon of playing frisbee.  I’m the kind of female who will hit every local hip hop gig, dancing for hours and raving all night about how sick that show was.  I’m the kind of woman who will go go-karting with a bevy of chefs and kill the best lap time, and then afterwards beat everyone’s scores at 18 tees of mini golf.  I’m the kind of person who gets the best results in every academic grading scenario.  I’m the kind of woman who is not afraid to jump off any cliff first and who never needs anyone to hold my hand or my purse while I do it.  I really enjoy every part of sex and put all of my effort into maximizing pleasure for all involved.  I am the human being who most people will want to talk to about anything serious, or any problem that needs to be resolved.  I am often the most sentient and salient opinion sought out when someone needs suggestions or creative prompts.  This list doesn’t end.  I’m the best of the best.

The catch is, no one can keep me.  I am a fucking unicorn.  No one can have me, or the magic is lost.  If you get too close, you will see all of the mistakes I make and no one needs to see those.  I must be free to be loved, and until all women are free in mind, body and spirit, no man may keep me.  I’ve tried to be kept and it only ever ends in hinderances in my mission of freeing my fellow humans by pointing out all of the things that I’ve done wrong.  

I’ve tried loving women sexually to see if that was what I really wanted from women.  And having been with some of the most stunningly gorgeous women in the whole of the world perhaps, I learnt that wasn’t what was calling me.  Women are calling me from their spirits, through their minds and into their bodies.  Their source cannot be made manifest because of the constructs of society we have put up, where women’s bodies are closed up, thus shutting down the whole of the mind/body/spirit cycle.  Women are being manipulated by advertising more than men.  Television programming is geared for shutting off the source of the spirit in order to manipulate the minds of women into manipulating their bodies for the pleasure of men (or failing that, becoming self-conscious blobs of humans who don’t care about themselves or anything else anymore).

 As a result, women have no outlet for their minds and their spirits, which are of a collective nature.  Women need to feel connected to other humans, and instead, we feel threatened and suspicious.  If we could trust each other as women at the very least, we would have nothing to fear from men because our network would be so tight, it would be nearly impenetrable to the forces of men.  This is why we are kept subjugated.  We do not need the feminist movement to free us.  We are already free, we just need to recognize our power in the sphere where we all look out for each other and see each other for the whole of our being, not just our bodies.

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