Day Sixty-Two: Confusion

What do I do when I don’t know what someone thinks about me?  Well, my sister tells me to play it cool and to not freak out.  Good advice, but apparently I already know this… and it makes no difference.  Feelings are feelings.

And so, meditation….

Thinking about the chaos of emotion from a distance, I realize that it only really matters how I feel about it – non-reactionarily.  If I just accept that I cannot know, then I can focus on how I feel about matters and accept that there is another party’s feelings involved in how I feel.  But judging by how that other party has acted towards me up until now, I don’t feel that I need to freak out.  As my sister says, just take it day by day and see how it goes.

When letting go of my feelings altogether (as an aside, I love how singular that word is in English grammar – all together – two words combined into one), I see that I am who I am and nothing will change that.  Not a man, not a job, not some dollars – however I react to things is entirely my own.  And today, like many other days, I dance.  I don’t think, but I dance.  And there is nothing wrong with how I react, or only simply act; I am me – forever.  I will be dancing forever, unless I forget who I am.  And no one should be allowed to let me forget me.

Of course, we are all free to change.  But it should be up to each of us to take in our environment and to let it change us of our own volition, in listening to our guiding voices who whisper to us to fight or flight, to swim or get out of the water, to love your body or hate it… whatever.  There is no difference to the universe what we do or think or feel, because we are the creators, the feelers and the reactors at the same time.  We will make what we want out of our lives and out of the universe at the same time.  And although there are many forces at play, never underestimate your own power.  We are one and we are many.  Get over yourself, but get under yourself, too.

I will hope that no matter what, it’s all love in the end.

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