I value honesty and integrity highly. I like to practice these virtues when it suits me, and feel justified in not practicing them when it doesn’t. So how highly do I actually value them?
It has recently occurred to me that this lack of follow-through makes me an asshole. I recently felt so justified in giving someone the whole of the truth when they asked me for it, and I just learnt that it was probably not the right thing. And I have withheld the whole of the truth from others when they didn’t ask, and it wasn’t right to do so.
As a result, the idea of living my life with integrity is a shadow existence that I can see tangibly, but it has zero positive effect on my life, who I am, or how I project myself to others. My shadow is simply a darkness that casts a larger pall the further I move into the night life, where demons and dark spirits abound.
I get that most people don’t want to believe in the shadow world, or its negative effect on us. Most people would prefer to believe that they are entirely in control of their lives. What I say to those people is that sometimes we stir things into momentum that we then cannot get a hold of for some time because it is now swinging with more force than we can immediately manage. That is not control – that is called management. And anyone who has ever been a manager knows that the role is an absence of control, but finding order and functionality amidst the chaos that is life.
Time to stop being an asshole manager and become an accepting human being. I can guide my life better when I live with integrity, requiring less management and offering more simple existence.