Day Fifty-Two: Convolution

When we choose, the time comes for our desires to take effect.  What we choose has already been done and there is nothing we can do to stop it as we are.  We can do different things to try to stop the momentum of our choices, but it will always involve a deviation from the path that we are currently on. Now is the time to pick the fruit of our desires. Of course The Secret is right – it’s just that it’s a real dick version of the truth. And of course David Wilcock is right that the stories of alien giants, colonized planets other than earth, and hollow moon underground bases are all true.  And all of the many “unbelievable” things that he and others suggest to be true are also true – it’s just that we can only see them if the truths make sense to us.  We need to resonate with the information that we receive in order to accept that they are true.  It doesn’t make them less true if you don’t resonate with them, they’re just not true for you. 

We are the gods that we’ve been searching for.  Just like if you’ve never had a dog or never had someone close to you die, then you can’t understand those levels of love and loss; if you’ve never opened your mind to consider all of the alternative truths, you cannot grasp the fullness of my meaning.  If you don’t regularly explore, question, meditate and share – to the fullness of the potential in each of those words – you cannot understand what I mean.  We were put here to learn from our guilt and to resolve our issues stemming from that pain.  Each of us is here to individually tackle a piece of what needs to be resolved by our whole.  This is our original sin, whatever it actually was, althoughI’m betting that it has to do with eating the fruit of our desires. 

Humans are the manifestation of desire itself, the partner of which is guilt.  These two concepts have kept us in a reincarnation loop, wanting to feel over and over again.  I still believe that this is one of my first times, but I am still just as susceptible to getting stuck in that loop.

I want to write about the things that I want to read about and speak to the people who are like me.  This dimension is fraught with demons, tempting us to continue feeling.  So many have wanted to share this understanding with others.  Those who desire to share it have already failed in their journey.  I think that this is why Jesus needed to die, because he likely didn’t actually die, just his leadership role did.  By telling people how to live, he was failing in his journey of breaking free from desire.  He desired to help people, and even that desire is enough to keep us in the cycle of guilt.  When he “died”, he gave up that desire and lived out the rest of his life in learning and sharing with those close to him who were like him.  I guess that in a way, I am sacrificing myself in that way – getting sucked into the loop in the hopes that I can find a way to break through the other side.

Intuition is our own divine voice that calls out to us our master plan and all of the various contingency plans we were given/came up with.  Where we got our plan depends on if this is our first time around or 1000th incarnation and what we are here to learn.  Do we desire to learn something special, or are we doing God’s work?  Of course we still have free will in our physical form, where we can choose to ignore intuition.  Luckily, there are angels who guide us, also, showing us the path in their own special way when we stray because of pleasure or pain; desire or guilt.  Unless, of course, we’ve quieted the voices around us through various addictions.  I, too, am so confused by my physical form – it’s like watching a disaster happening while in a state of shock and awe, unable to help.

There are spirit guides in all plants and animals, as well, other humans can be host to these entities, even if just for a short time.  This world is full of magic, and Hollywood is exploiting this, using dark magic to gain power (no need for intuition when it only gets in the way of pain and pleasure – things that physical beings love and crave) and they obscure what we should inherently know and understand.  They make us think that it’s just special effects and good acting, when in actuality, this shit is real!

If only I could communicate purely through intention, you would get my meaning so much more easily.

You know that I love you, baby but you just won’t let me.

There are people who love my energy.  They feel strongly what I bring to their lives and they are moved by it.  Others don’t even register me, continually reintroducing themselves to me upon each meeting.  They cannot see the parts of me which resonate in a higher dimension and so I appear flat to them, not maximizing my physical potential like they expect others to do, and I am therefore forgettable to them.  Those people don’t concern me – I am unaffected by them.  Of course, I haven’t always been this way.  When I was living in NZ, I was vibrating at lower plane, brought down by the spirits of alcohol and low vibrational people who populated the place for this reason.  That is not the fault of the business owners, who themselves had converted to striving to vibrate at a higher frequency.  They maybe didn’t quite know to put it in these terms – maybe they do now. 

I am lucky that I have this energy, being blessed with it from birth.  Lord knows that without it, I would have no connections because I don’t speak the same language as others do.  We do not share common understanding.  I am grateful for this energy, because people see it.  Those who recognize it may not quite understand what they are seeing, but they know that they are seeing something that is different.  Especially those people who are in positions of power, or those who spend prolonged periods of time with me – they get to experience literal magic. 

When my friend died the week before we started high school, he came to visit me to say goodbye in a darkened math room, where we were taking notes from a projector.  My teacher looked at me and asked if there was something wrong with me?  When I looked at her, she had an aghast look on her face, like she had just seen a ghost.  I think she was seeing me engrossed in his energy, exchanging affection with his spirit as it passed by me, journeying to crossing over.  She continued to look at me in that same way for the rest of our time together.

If it’s going to be all night, it’s got to be all right. 

And what Bo Cairo taught me is that nothing is ‘all right’.  Only all can be alright, so how can any person or thing be all right to us?  Bo Cairo is one of those special people who saw my magic.  He, like many others like him, pulled me aside just to talk to me, to learn what made me tick and how I came to be who I was.  I never used to indulge these people too much, judging them too harshly on their choices.  Now that I, too, have my share of bad choices notched on my belt, I see how special these people are, these perceptive people who can see things that others can’t see.  I know that no one has all the answers, and many don’t come close to the amount of questions that I have found, but there are many special people out there and it is our purpose to learn from each other. 

I skipped out on that purpose over the years, for the protection of myself.  Now I am ready to explore deeper.  I need to be honest about my need to connect.  I am not driven by the same motivators as other people and I can’t give them the level of commitment they need, but I can give them connection.  He needs more commitment than I want to offer, but I still want the connection with him.  I need to find a way to make that work – it’s my problem and I need to solve it if I want to take advantage of the bounty in that answer.


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