Day Forty-Eight: In The Closet

After my appointment today, the usual niggling thought came into my brain: you could use a drink.  No, you deserve a drink.  The voice is actually way more subtle than these words – it’s more like a ringing in my subconscious.  And so I had a drink.

I don’t yet hear that other voice in these moments, or the multiple other voices, yelling for me to stop.  I hear them at other times when I’m not stressed out or wanting to party.  The fun in this adventure is not over yet, so I am continuing ignoring the good advice I receive when I don’t need it.  Anyways, I’m about to pour the rest of my drink out and get ready for tomorrow’s next step.


Tomorrow has arrived and I am about to head out into the stress-filled world.  I will buy alcohol today and other things that I don’t need.  One day soon, this will need to change.  Not even because I will it to, but because that will be the natural turn of the course.  This type of lifestyle cannot continue forever – not in the face of all of this destruction.  I cried this morning, my body shaking at the sights and sounds of slavery I was witnessing on the news.  How can I deserve anything better when I, too, am in debt?

First world problems are only now manifesting into the horrid monsters we’ve kept stuffed under our bed.  It’s about time they come out to play.  We’re killing ourselves and each other and we are liking it.

And of course the below incident…

We are a sick incarnation of humanity and we need to heal.  Lord help us.


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