I have studied nothing if not my own soul – it’s contents and methodology. I may read and listen to a multitudinous diversity of opinions, but I can really only connect with and understand them in my own language. I must form my own methods for receiving information – this is not my only option, but it is the best one for a person who wants to retain the ability to think independently and creatively. Information does not always transubstantiate from one being to another, although I do believe that at certain times, it can do just that. In any path, it is up to us to turn on the light and welcome the information that we seek. The main reason why I want to share my passion for meditation with the world is for the reason that I know that we make manifest what we invite into our lives.
Yesterday, I went to meditate in one of my favorite spots in the world. I’m so lucky right now because it’s right near my mother’s house, where I’m currently staying. It is a secret waterfall, tucked away deep in the jungle, and although it is dry season, even the trickle of moisture falling from above inspires magic through connection with the environment. This waterfall comes down a 50m tall wall face, and although we haven’t had rain for almost 2 months now, the source of water for this river (the clouds that graze the mountaintop) seems unending. I know that everything in this material world is finite, but even in these dry times, this stream of water is a source of inspiration.
The way I see it is, magic is our way of understanding what is not yet understandable. It makes manifest things that don’t exactly exist, and by that very nature, invites those things to come out and play.
I did my transcendental meditation session under this trickle of water, which I allowed to splash on and around my body. It is a beautiful sensation to go deep inside myself while having the symphony of nature fill my space with pink noise, the most naturally pleasant form of pure noise that living beings can tolerate, and even enjoy. It is relaxing to the body to listen to running water, which diffuses the frequencies of the independent noises that would come from the birds, bugs and animals surrounding. I take so much pleasure in this space, but also feel a subtle fear and incredible wonder about what’s around me. Likely, lots of dangerous things, but not many that would take a particular interest in me. I still manage to sit there with my eyes closed, absorbing the energy of the falling water and the wall of nature surrounding me.
After finishing with my meditation rituals, holding my hands above my head and taking in the falling energy of the drops from the sky (one of the fastest ways to reenergize yourself is to hold your hands up above your head and to use your arms like antennae, absorbing energy from everything around you), I got back on mum’s quad to drive home. I had a bottle of water that I had brought with me because I was at a friend’s house getting my ears candled *mission to unblock ears: unsuccessful. I had the bottle between my legs, but because I was going downhill, it kept slipping off of my lap. I put it under me and sort of sat on it and the vibrations from the driving turned me on so much. It was not my intention at all, but pretty soon I was screaming in ecstasy while driving down. I was absolutely flowing with sexual energy! I had to stop at one of the other spots along the river and I relieve the tension at another series of waterfalls. Afterwards, I got undressed and climbed down into the river, enjoying the cold, fast moving water, helping to calm my energy. My entire body was vibrating and I haven’t felt anything so explosive in a long time.
I have been ignoring my sexuality for so long that I forgot how powerful those feelings can be. I occasionally have dreams where I come to orgasm, like I did again last night, but I haven’t been accessing my sexual energy in my conscious life for a while and am very surprised by this sudden resurgence. Now I feel it flowing abundantly and liberally and I’m not totally certain how I should respond. But I’m not embarrassed by it, either. In meditation, it is continually confirmed to me that I must live with integrity in every aspect of my life; to be honest with what I want, and honest about what I have to offer, with myself and with others. That may not sound like much direction, but I know exactly what it means to me.
When we finally allow ourselves to live in/under a pure corporatocracy, each of us will theoretically have all of the control over our own lives. If the majority of us want something, we will get it. The corporations will want to do whatever will make them the most money and power; and so, if the majority of us are for the ethical treatment of the planet and each other, the corporations will oblige/provide. They will, however, also try to manipulate us in to wanting what is easiest and most abundant for them to provide in goods and services. Those who love money and power would rather not work hard or long if they can avoid it. Naturally, they would rather surround themselves with material pleasures. As such, it is up to us to be educated on what is best for us, rather than what is easiest or fastest for those who already have more than us.
Is free-trade the best method for attaining a state of living based on merit, perceived value, and inherent value, in competition? Sure, it can be, but we really need to know what the fuck is up with all of existence and what we want to make out of it. I am personally not happy with putting my life/choices into the hands of interests that surround themselves with material wealth. I want to follow those who pursue more psychic connections and spiritual growth. Material comfort is merely the third prong of the three radii that split the circle. There can be more, but we haven’t yet reached past this level to know for sure.
“There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.”
Am I worried about what someone might think of me based on the things that I write? Sure, I can feel worried. But I don’t like to be worried because it distracts me from my goals, one of which is to prove to each person who reads my words that they are not alone in the world. There are other thinking/feeling/acting humans who have influence, even if it’s only a small amount. I am consequential, in my mistakes and in my good deeds. I don’t know which parts of what I say/write are going to touch you, but I’m going to keep talking/writing until we connect. And yes, my mum or my sister might read today’s post and it will be a little awkward for all of us, but only until they remember a short while later that I’m me and they know me. They know that I’m a human and that I’m honest with them to the point of mild discomfort. We try not to hurt each other, but we do push each others’ limits, as everyone should do with those who they love. We only want the best for each other, so a little brutal honesty now and again is necessary to keep greasing each others’ wheels.
Don’t just feel special – be special. Go with your gut and don’t be afraid to put yourself on the line. It’s going to be tough sometimes and it’s going to be great other times. What it’s not going to be is boring – it’s going to be creative as fuck and absolutely sensational.
And for the record, I love you all. Honesty is essential for love, as is respect and abundant joy. The boundaries for each will encroach into the other aspects’ territories at times, but the balance always wants to go back to neutral, so go with the flow, as long as you remain in love.
P.S. For anyone who would question my motives for why reveal personal details that seem irrelevant, here are a few further questions to aid you in your confusion:
- Have you ever discussed your sexuality with the world? Do you know what power lays in these types of discussions?
- Have you ever read anyone directly discussing their sexuality in a forthright manner, especially a woman who you barely know? How does that make you feel?
- Have you allowed yourself to explore your physical sensations in a direct manner, welcoming the lessons that are within the experience?
- Have you ever experienced sexual pleasure in nature?
I am here to do the things that other people wouldn’t do. I am here to have the experiences that will teach us the things that we are afraid to learn. Just bear with me, alright?